So one of my New Year's resolutions this year, which I almost never make because I feel like I'll never accomplish them, is to finish a book. As a result I have pinned a bunch of writing exercises to practice keeping my writing skills refreshed. This first exercise... Relationships of course! Haha. It was a pin I found on blog topics. I decided it was a fun topic... sure. As a result I decided to share my result with you.
"Write about your relationship. If you're single write about that."
Well ladies and gentlemen save the romantic drama for your llama because I have been single for 23 years, and you guessed it, I'm 23. Oh well, there was that one-day romantic fling with some kid named Ian from Kentucky in Myrtle Beach when I was five-years-old. I specifically remembered he was from Kentucky because I told my parents I thought it was cool that he lived in Kentucky Fried Chicken. He taught me how to jump into the kiddie pool and I asked him to be my boyfriend. I know, I'm pretty sly. ;) He left the next day and I never saw him again. I must be one faithful girlfriend... 18-years of a long distance relationship with no contact and nothing has happened. Hear that boys I'm faithful ;). He's probably married with his first kid living on the coast of Hawaii as the executive of KFC, and using his summers to plant wells in Africa.
Sometimes being single is okay, almost freeing. And to be honest that's a good portion of my life where I'm thankful that I'm not married with a kid because I'm nowhere near stable enough to help guide someone through life. But somedays I just desperately want someone to do life with. I tear my clothes, and bang the walls crying and throwing tantrums in the presence of God screaming, "why me?!" (please roll your eyes at how ridiculous I am on those days, I do). The hardest thing is I really want to have kids someday, and I want to be married before that. I fear I will never mother a child because in my 23 years of life there were maybe four possibilities of even seeing a glimpse of a future with a male candidate.
Obviously the first was Kentucky Fried Ian. Then there was a kid in middle school that I liked, and went to a few dances with, but we grew apart. Then a kid I dated for a day because I didn't know how to say no... I'm still embarrassed at myself for that. He deserved better. Then my favorite... There was a kid in my sophomore science class in high school that told me that he could see a "super ugly girl", but if he found one thing he liked on her she was hot to him. His example was he liked a girl's butt and then thought she was amazing. Then he turned to me, smiled, and looked me right in the eyes, "You have really pretty eyes." ... Um thanks... He left school a month later to go to the juvenile detention school.
It's also kind of hard to find someone these days. Especially, since the place I spend most of my time is at my university. My university is known for people finding their spouses on their first day of school, but really that just means everyone's engaged before they even leave home their first year. No joke, every guy I have seen that I found potential with in my undergrad experience was engaged. One moment I'm thinking, "I could marry that guy." Next thing, "Hey ____ when are you getting married again?" Great.
Except now. I'm currently pretty into a guy, but this is unknown territory to me. I literally had to ask my friend how you know if you like someone because it's that unknown to me. I don't know if he likes me, which is the worst. Sometimes I think he does, and then other times I think he's just being nice. All my friends think he likes me, but I think they are as tired of me being single as my family is. I no longer get asked about guys when I go home for break, haha. I mean it's usually a very quick conversation.
"So, Brooke," with blinking lashes and a smirk, "Any guys in your life?"
"Um... I mean I have guy friends. But that's it."
"Oh. Well that's good."
Conversation over.
Also, social anxiety is more than real. It's my catastrophic reality. Even if I wanted to ask him out and be the feminist crusader that I am, I doubt I would be able to subdue my uncontrollable personified stomach enough to even approach him. So I guess we will see where that goes... But for now I at least have Naomi, my newly adopted five-month-old puppy. So you could say, things are getting pretty serious.
