Coming Soon

Hey guys! I'm really sorry I haven't blogged in a while, but I am starting a new blog. (Imagine that) :) It's a 30 day project. I am going to post a link on here, but it won't be for a while because I want to have it started up for a little before people I know view it. Once things get exciting again I will check in on here! See you later!




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Day 15

Hey guys. I am really sorry for not writing you in a while.

 I just took a quiz in New Testament that I am fairly certain I got a 75% on. I know that does not mean much to you. Basically though it represents my stability right now as far as classes go. I hate the first few weeks because that is the time period where your main goal is to discover your teacher, their methods of grading, and their methods of testing. So you tend to get some things wrong, and it can become discouraging. To survive this you HAVE to find the positive. Yes, I just flunked that test, but at least I am now prepared on how to study for the next one.

Yesterday was Victoria's birthday! It was so exciting. We started the day by taping a trash bag to her door with balloons stuffed in between the door and the trash bags so that when she opened the door all of the balloons rushed in. Then Victoria and I landed front row seats for chapel. When we walked in I turned to her and asked, "What if I told Paul Conn in Psych this morning that it was your birthday and he may or may not have arranged for the entire congregation to sing Happy Birthday to you...?" She freaked out. Haha. "What?" "Haha, just kidding. I just thought of that idea." So no happy birthday song in chapel. :( But it would have been great. Then we decorated her room with all sorts of things. Then we took her to dinner, in the cafeteria! Very special dinner night. haha. But we sang happy birthday and got the entire cafeteria to do so as well. Then Laura and her roommate brought Victoria brownies. Then we went to Chris and Elyssa's where we made and ate cake. There were these trick candles that not only refused to go out, but were like mini sparklers. It was scary. Then we finished the night off with a video of everyone back home saying happy birthday to Victoria. It was a great day.

Today a lot of our roommates are visiting their homes so we decided to have a family dinner/ movie night. We're making chicken fettuccine alfredo mixed with broccoli, garlic mashed potatoes, and rolls. It should be great! Then we are watching Lean on Me, and the Lorax. I am excited.

Anyways, I should probably get back to my math homework.... Hope ya'll are having a great day! See you next time!






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Day Seven

Hey guys, sorry I have not been writing. I just have not found anything interesting enough to tell you. I have my first writing and reading assignments, but they are all pretty easy. I was working with Brenda yesterday on her first paper! She's actually not bad at it. Then we went and did a light one hour, unplanned, work out. We are also going to workout today.

I got a care package yesterday from my parents. It has a lot of food!

Sorry if things seem broken up on here, but I am trying to write in between events so that I do not forget any details.

So far all of my classes are easy, but being in college before, I know that that is only an inception, and my classes will become more difficult. I have not really made many friends quite yet. It does not really bother me though. I have met a few people, my roommate and suite mates, my core friends from home's roommates and suit mates, but that is pretty much it.

Like I said, Brenda and I worked out for our first time yesterday! It was amazing! It felt so great afterwards! Tonight we are going to meet up after her last class for pictures, dinner, homework, and then more working out! I am so excited! To all of you who sent mail or are hoping I am sending you mail, I have written letters it just cost a little bit to send stuff so I have to raise money before I can send you something. Sorry. See you soon!





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Fourth Day

Hey guys. Things are getting a little better. This morning I woke up early so I decided to get some things done. I went to the university store but they ended up not having what I needed. So I went to go get my P.O. box number. Turns out that was a great idea because those who went later in the day had to wait almost two hours to get their's. So later when Victoria and Rebekah went to get their's I mailed my first envelope. Also my roommate and Rebekah's roommate Jessie decided to go to Walmart and asked me to join. I did so I could get an expo eraser, what I was looking for earlier.

I ate at the cafeteria and had A TON of food! It is so much better than I thought!

Then we went to hang in my dorm, Rebekah, her roommate Jessie, my roommate Laura, and Victoria. We watched some of FRIENDS season eight. Turns out Jessie and Laura both love FRIENDS! Yeah! It also turns out Laura is also partially lactose intolerant! Now I am chilling in the lounge waiting for my family to skype me. Though it is kicking up a little it is still a little uneventful. Sorry... Talk to you guys later!

I also have like a million bug bites up and down my arms!





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Third Day

Okay, so things are starting to get a little rough. I have to say my final goodbye to my Dad and it's going to be really hard. Last night I realized how much I am going to miss him, and how much I actually rely on my parents. I am starting to get these random bursts of emotion and I am not sure how to handle it.

Today we have to go to a required Deke Day event. It's a thing where everyone goes out to serve. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I am excited because I love serving. I am nervous because I have a stomach condition that has been acting up lately and I am afraid that there will be no opportunity to go to the bathroom there if something were to happen.

Some of my friends are going to church this morning. However, I am not because I want to say goodbye to my dad. So once he leaves I was planning on doing a devotion.

We haven't gotten our P.O. box assignments and won't be able to until monday. This frustrating because everyone back home wants me to give it to them.

Lately, I have been reading up on politics. I figure that since this is my first year voting I should know about the candidates. I know, that I am probably a little late, but I think I will be fine.

Anyways, I don't really have much more to say. I will see you guys later. Bye!




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Second Night

So this is my second night at Lee. I have to make this quick because it's late and my roommate is asleep. Things were rocky at first with my roommate, but I think it is all going to work out. I have lofted my bed, which saves A TON of space, however I am high up and afraid of falling so I am investing in a railing since I am known for moving in my sleep. Nothing too interesting has happened yet. I will try and post more tomorrow morning. Goodnight! :)




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30 Days Until Lee University!

There are 30 days left until I head down to Lee University! I cannot wait! I am so far beyond excitement. All I can think about is moving in. Meeting my roommate. Starting classes. My body is still in Maryland, but my mind is in Tennessee. Because of this my soul is in so much frustration and anxiety. All I want to do is be in TENNESSEE. Haha. :) 

I feel like a child waiting for Christmas. My birthday was a few days ago, and besides the fact that my friend threw me an amazing surprise birthday party with those I love, I have been looking more forward to moving in than I did my own birthday. I just keep playing scenarios in my head of what I am going to do. I had a dream last night about moving in and meeting my roommate. I have already begun packing. My room is full of college stuff on one side and yard sale stuff on the other. 

A friend of mine and I are throwing a yard sale in order to earn money. I really need financial help. I have been doing small odd jobs in order to get money, but they are not going to get me anywhere near where I need to be financially. Once I get to Tennessee I am going to get an actual semi-stable (because no young adult/teenage job is stable) to help gain money for tuition. I am thinking about getting a job on campus (or at least trying to because I hear it is difficult) because the employer automatically takes a part of your pay and puts it towards your tuition. This way I have less of an opportunity to blow money away that I need to pay tuition. At this point I am looking at many loans, and lots of debt. But this is just a small price to pay in order to follow Gods plan. When I get most stressed about the situation is when I become the most excited. Because as many have reminded me God will provide, and when things seem the messiest, God is right there in the process of creating some amazing things yet to come if you will just hold on for a little bit longer. God would not have told me one day on a trip in Hashua that I need to leave Towson and go to Lee University, going against many that want me to stay in Towson, if He was just going to leave me hanging to dry. Logically and to this world moving to Lee makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE, but to God is makes PERFECT sense. And that is what I am going for God, and perfection. :) So though I am TERRIFIED, I will follow God and my destiny, and I plan to do so till the day I die. And one day when I believe that the objective is way too impossible I will remember my youth pastor and his wife, and how they left me in order to set an example. They left me to follow God's impossible objective in their life, because doing anything different would set a terrible example for me and my brothers and sisters in my youth group. If they stayed, knowing that moving was their calling, then one day when things get tough for me I would have nothing to look forward too. I am sad they are leaving, but I will remember them the most when times are hard. Thank you for setting such an amazing example Pastor Brian and Jacqueline! Go do some AMAZING things in Florida! 

I know this was a very random post, and I am sorry for that but I just needed to write some! :) I really cannot wait until I am writing to you guys everyday. Yes sometimes my posts will suck, because sometimes life is uneventful, but the dedication I will have will make up for it. I will try as hard as I can to write to you each day about everything that is going on in my life. See you next time! 

Brooke

College Assignment:

Facebook Groups:

I want to suggest that you get involved in your school's Facebook Groups if they have them. This will help calm your nerves some. However, I want to suggest that you hold off on some of the elements. Comment on things that intrigue your interest. Interact with others. But wait until you are there before you start friending people and starting your own interactive groups with others. Keep some things intriguing. Wait until you are there before you get to actually know people. This makes it exciting when you get there. What would be the point if you got there, but all ready knew everyone in the building? So get involved, but not too involved!






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Microwavable Love

First step to moving out! 

I know that last time I told you to wait and find out what your roommate has before you start buying stuff, but I found something for a great deal. I got my very own first microwave! For seven dollars. 

I know you can't really see it, but trust me it has all of the basics, and I am sure it will serve me well! I am so excited! 

All right, well I was just checking in and keeping you updated! See you later! 

College Assignment #3:

Following guidelines and rules is always a good decision. However, sometimes circumstances change. If you find something for a great price, get it while you got it! However, do not be too jumpy! Make sure you have a good product before you spend money, even if it is a steal. 

Grade Value: 

This is worth next to nothing of your grade. Consider it extra credit. For though it is good advice, it really will not effect you in the long run. 

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I'm Indecisive, I Can't Decide

My mind is in so many places as I begin to only approach the summer before attending Lee University. I cannot seem to settle on anything. Emotions, decisions, anything. For one, I am SO excited to be going to Lee next year, but I am also SO nervous and apprehensive about going to Lee next year. 

I have this strangely absurd anxiety in which I feel like I am still in school and have a late paper or an exam soon. I suppose that will only go away with time. 

I have about a million books that I want to read, which never happens to me because I hate reading, but recently I have found some strange love for it. The top three books I am attempting to complete are, The Circle Maker, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, and Love Comes Softly. However, I would also like to read the Hunger Games series as well as the rest of the Love Comes Softly saga. 

While I am trying to read books, I am also trying to write books. I have been writing since I cannot remember, but I have never been able to finish a story because either a few things got lost in the moving of them, or I thought of another story and have not come back. I would like to say I completed at least one story before I go to school, but that does not seem likely. 

I am so anxious to discover who my roommate is. I just want to check off everything on my list now, but there are a few things that I must wait for. Like, I would like to see what things my roommate all ready has before I go buying everything, but I do not find out who my roommate is until July. On top of that most stores around here do not get their college things until July. 

I have recently been trying to take up responsibilities that I have never taken up before, like, cleaning and taking care of my ENTIRE house, not just my bedroom. This action was brought on by the encouragement of a wednesday night youth group meeting in which my pastor talked on how we should respect our authority, especially if our authority has been anointed by God. He pointed out that God anoints our parents to us. Yes, some fall short of God's plans, but  we should respect His decision by respecting our anointed authorities (our parents) unless what they are trying to get us to do is harmful. Also, I was hoping that an added benefit would be that God would see my hard work, and bless me with a job. I desperately need a job, and I am finding no luck. I have two months to come up with $12,000, and no way of doing so. I have faced the reality that I will have to take out a loan. I have tried applying to scholarships, but so far, no luck. Plus, I have run out of places to find them. If you know of any places, please let me know. Thank you! I have applied to so many places, and my ideal job would be at Dick's Sporting Goods, or Regal Cinemas, but so far I have heard nothing from anyone. I have been having terrible luck. When I go to stores and ask for an application they say I need to find it online. Then I go home and search for hours on their website to try and find the application. Then once I do, I hear nothing back. It seems like these days applications mean nothing anyone. You have to know someone to be employed. Almost everyone I know that has a job knows someone who works where they work that got them the job. It is so disappointing, but I will not give up. After all, I may be the one who slips through the cracks, and defies all odds. I know God will put me in the right place, but God, if you could do that soon it'd be great. :) 

Until then, I am busy with other things, other than attempting to take care of the house. I want to continue trying to learn guitar and drums. I want to continue trying to write songs, as well as my books and movie scripts. I want to do so many things. I want to speak again at church, and this time feel like I did well. I want to perform at church again. I want to do SO much. Sometimes I look at the time I have before I go to Lee and it seems SO long! Sometimes I look at it and think, "How am I suppose to do anything in such little time?" Like I said, my mind is ALL OVER THE PLACE. 

Overall, I just wanted to express the way I felt right now, and I am hoping that I in someway helped someone and that someone else feels this way as well. 

College Assignment #2

Try to stay relaxed, DO NOT PANIC! It will all be okay. Just be on top of things. Stay organized. If you are not, develop a better system. If you have no system, DEVELOP ONE, trust me it helps. Stay in touch with your future roommate once you know who it is. Make sure that no one is spending money to get something the other one has. Money is tight right now, and there is no reason to spend money on unneeded items. Overall, just relax and try and enjoy this time. Spend time with those you love and set up great, strong relationships so that when you move miles away, you still have people you can count on! Good luck!

Grade of Life:
This is worth a small percentage of your grade. Though it can help you immensely, it will not determine your outcome by so much that you fail if you do not complete. However, if you learn to stay calm and on top of things now, things later in life will come much easier than if you fail to do so.








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College Assignment #1

Okay, so one thing I really enjoy in some blogs is how they keep a "tagline" sort of thing at the end of each posts. Some give little tips of life, some put a joke, some put a picture at the end every post. So I thought that I would try this. I am not going to lie this will probably not make its way into all of my posts, but I am going to try. I am calling it "College Assignments" I figured what could be more perfect, right? Haha. So...

College Assignment #1

This is short and sweet so do not worry. If you are a senior in high school and you are looking into colleges I encourage that you check out the college before you go! If they have anything like "Lee Day" where they give you tours, meetings, and things like that go to it! It will definitely help you out a lot. So my first college assignment is for you to make sure you know your school before you go there. You finally get to choose your education, so choose it wisely! 

Grade of Life

Grade Value: This is worth a good percentage of your grade. (Where you go to college can shape the next few years of your life even after college.)








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Lee Day #2

So to start off the day I woke up early and headed to campus to make my schedule for next year! I met up with an advisor who worked incredibly well with me! She advised me on what to do as far as my schedule, and was overall very helpful. As of now I am taking Psychology taught by the president of my school (nerve wrecking), Intro to Old Testament (or something like that), a Math class, and an English class. I am most looking forward to having my classes spread out amongst the week as opposed to cramming it all in two days! Then afterwards I met up with Victoria and went and got my ID made!

This is really exciting! I cannot wait to use this at my next movie! 

Then we both met up with Brenda, and eventually, as promised, we were joined by Jenee! She helped navigate us around the clubs who were on display near the cafeteria. Then we all departed to our lunches, me to my transfer student lunch, and Brenda and Victoria to their senior lunch. We all ate Zaxby's.

They gave away an IPad based on tickets they handed to us at the door. I was ONE digit away from winning. The winning number was 0301 and I was 0302.

(The ALMOST lucky ticket)

Then we all met back up again and went to the Bookstore where we bought some merchandise. I got a sticker for the back window of my car that read Lee University! Then Brenda went off to her audition as we went to go see "Life at Lee" a really funny play put on in the Conn center meant to play fun with the idea of "life" at Lee. 

(Us waiting for "Life at Lee" to begin)

Then we all headed out to the cook out and ate some food where we once again saw Jenee, Jermiah, and met Jeremiah's fiance. Brenda then left to head home. Victoria's family, my dad, and I all headed back into the Conn center for the ending celebration of the "Lee Day" weekend. Where they did a lot of worship, Voices of Lee Sang, and Dr. Paul Conn talked to us about coming into Lee with a very inspirational sermon/speech. Worship was crazy because they played a song that the leader singer of my youth band, Josiah, likes to sing a lot... "Forever Reign". As they sang I could hear the voices of my youth back home echoing in my ears! Wherever I am at I can still enjoy worship with them! One thing Dr. Paul Conn told us was that "College is not an escalator, it's a stairway." Meaning that in order to rise to the top you can not just stand there as someone else carries you, but you yourself carry yourself up step by step. This was exciting for me because it gave me a chance to show my Dad a little bit about my life. 

(My dad at the first worship service I have ever attended with him)

I found out later that he was thinking, "I want to sit down, but I don't want to be rude." Haha. Oh well, I got him in the environment and planted the see, now it is up to God. Not to say that I will not keep trying. 

Then they gave away the scholarship awards. Once again I was SO close! The winning number was 0305 and once again I was 0302. Here is to hoping though that God answered my prayers, and gave away the scholarships to people who really needed the help! Congratulations to all of the winners!

Then we all, minus Brenda since she headed home, went to go visit some more friends, Chris and Elyssa. We met them at a place called Lupi's which I originally thought was called Lupis, and was very confused as to why someone would do that. The dinner was very relaxed, but it was awesome. Chris and Elyssa are always a lot of fun to be around! Cannot wait to move done here!

Tomorrow I am headed back to Chattanooga in the morning with my dad as Victoria heads home. Then my dad and I are going to go up into West Virginia where we will spend the night. Then I am headed home on Monday.

I am so confused as to how to feel. I am really going to miss this place. I do not want to leave. However, I cannot wait to get back home to Portside, and my church family, as well as the rest of my family. These next few months are going to be rough as I try to maintain motivation with completing my classes, as well as try to control my emotions. Leaving everyone is going to be SO rough, but I cannot wait to start my life here! So many ups and downs. I am all over the place. So I guess I am going to sleep on it! See you guys later!





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Lee Day # One *Afterwards*

Starting off the "Lee Day" weekend was amazing! I got to have an amazing day with my dad, and my two friends Brenda and Victoria, and their families! We toured the amazing campus, and my dad got to see where I am going to spend the next few days of my life. I got to hear the comforting words, "You know I have to admit you picked a nice school." Ahh. Music to my ears. Then we ate at the subway at campus and Brenda, Victoria, and I went to tour our future dorm halls.

(All of us Outside of our future dorm hall)

We met a bunch of nice girls who were living there and welcomed us into their dorms. We met two girls there who are from Kentucky and they showed us how they stacked their beds on top of each other. Victoria got her schedule made for next year, and I make mine tomorrow! Then we headed over to watch one of the two double header softball games of Lee University against Southern-Wesleyan. I may be wrong, but it appeared to me that Victoria enjoyed the game which is great for me because softball has been a part of my life for fourteen years of my life, and I would love to share the love of the game with one of my friends. We also jokingly made plans to take hip-hop classes together, but truth is if she found the class I would take it with her. Hopefully next year the two of us can go to a game together. While there we met up with a few unexpected guests. First, Victoria and I looked in front of us and realized the president of our school and his wife were sitting right in front of us. Victoria and I began talking to each other trying to figure out who we were playing against when the president's wife leaned back to tell us that we were playing South-Wesleyan. Then in between games Lee held a challenge for the members of the audience to try and hit home runs. Then we looked down and realized that we recognized one of those batters, it was our friend, Jeremiah! We talked with him and he asked us what we were planning on doing that night. We said we were headed to the block party, but he told us that we should instead go to Chattanooga. So we did.

(Jeremiah up at bat)

(This is a bridge in Chattanooga)

We had a blast at Chattanooga, and so did my dad! We constantly played where's Waldo, except it was more, "Where's My Dad". Every time we looked he was gone. Then we would look around and realize that he was off somewhere enjoying scenery or taking a picture! 

(You can barely tell, but off in the distance is my dad)

Overall we had a blast. We ended our night at Applebee's where we celebrated my dad's birthday, and they gave him some ice cream! It was a great day that has me so ready to move here in August! 

Tomorrow we are going to have SO much fun! I am making my schedule and getting my ID! Brenda is auditioning for her school musical program! We are hanging out with a friend from here named Jenee. Then we are going to visit other friends down here, Chris and Elyssa! It is going to be an exciting day, and I cannot wait. So I am going to get to bed!










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Off to Start Lee Day # One

First I want to apologize if my first entry got worst as it went along, but I wrote it late and night and grew more and more tired as I went along. I plan on going back and trying to rewrite it. Here I am in the morning  about to go to the first day of "Lee Day". I am really excited, but also really nervous at the same time. I am about to walk on a campus that holds many memories I have shared with people I love back at home. I am really excited to show my dad all about where I plan to live for the next few years! I am excited to explore it some more myself! I am really excited but really nervous. I know I have said that before, but that it really how I feel. I think I am nervous only because I know that this is just reminding me that in a few months I have to leave some really amazing people. I have to leave those that I love, and that just seems crazy to me. Why would anyone want to leave people that they love? But I keep reminding myself of my own motto, that people are in your life for the time that they are there for a reason, and when I move here I will find some more amazing people that will just grow my loving family. I cannot wait to see where these college years will bring me! So here I am off on my way! See you guys later!






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A Whole New Beginning

I decided to make this blog for a few reasons. One, I wanted something to keep myself accountable. I am trying to become a better writer, and I know the only way of doing so is to just write. So I am starting this as a way to keep myself writing. Another reason is for those who want to know what I am up to. I have another blog called, "You're Killing Me Smalls" that I will continue writing blog entries on. It is and will continue to be about things that I think about I guess, I am really not sure how to explain what I write about on there, but this is meant to be kind of like a diary. Once I get to Lee University I am going to try and write an entry at least once a day, if not once a week. It will be a daily challenge. On here I will be writing about events that take place before I move, and then once I move I will be more active on here.

I am currently a student at Towson University. Towson is a great place! I just don't feel like it is the place for me. I feel the place for me is Lee University. It all started last year when my youth group made it to National Teen Talent that was held at Lee University. 

When we went to regionals I was on a dance team at the youth group. The dance team did not make it to regionals, and to be honest the team could have been better. But I had the best time on that dance team, and that team saved my life. At first when I heard the group was headed to Tennessee I was excited, but I did not think that I was invited because I was not a part of the drama team that had made it. However, my youth pastor and his wife pulled me and few other kids over to their table when we were at an Applebees at Regionals to tell us that we were more than welcome to go. From then on it was nothing, but excitement. Before I had met this youth group the only major place I had gone outside of Maryland was Florida when I was seven years old, and Myrtle Beach in South Carolina. Other than that I had not really seen anywhere else, but Maryland. After Regionals that same youth group took me to Delaware, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Tennessee. I felt like I was being taken around the world! Haha, but really. Soon this summer they are going to take me to Kentucky and Georgia. I am beyond excited! So we arrive at Lee University in Tennessee, and I have no idea what I am about to get into. 

Lee University was amazing! I saw so many amazing drama, musical, and other performances by multiple talented groups from all over the U.S., some places in Canada, and Jamaica. I was blown away. We stayed in the Lee University dorms which was really exciting since I was about to start college. I do not dorm at Towson, but it still excited me. We also visited Gatlinburg, and had the opportunity to go to Chattanooga, but I decided to stay behind. I got closer to some people in my youth group, and developed amazing relationships! Which was amazing! Most memorable though I somehow found myself standing up in front of all these people, and talking to them about something I really knew nothing about! God! It was amazing, scary, crazy, and something I still do not understand. I had no idea what I was saying, but I felt like I needed to say it. I am glad I did, even though I still really have no idea what I said. 

Overall though I loved the school, but made it very clear that I would never go there. Multiple kids from youth kept talking about how they were going to go there, and I very boldly told them that I was NEVER going to go to Lee. I thought Towson was the place for me, and no one was going to convince me to go to a Christian college just because it is Christian. I felt like we were all cattle being forced into Christian colleges because they are the place we should go. I was totally against it. Then the fall retreat came. 

The fall retreat was a retreat that our youth attends every fall, or so I have heard, at Hashua camp grounds near where I live. The youth goes there to come together and get closer to God. The fall retreat was amazing for multiple reasons. For one, as you can see, we had amazing worship services. Our college friend who had been away at Salisbury, Becky, unexpectedly showed up. A friend of our Pastor's named Jason lead worship and spoke to us, so did a few other people. We all got closer, and closer to God. I spoke, kind of, for the first time to someone. Then came the end. 

All the youth leaders had lined up in a line and prayed for all of us, one by one. They all tore me apart. Especially one named Aaron. Aaron had a small bible study group that I had attended. In the bible group he talked about a book called, "Wild Goose Chase". He talked about how sometimes we think we have life figured out, and then God tells us that we need to do something that is not at all in "our" plan. At the retreat he began to pray for me. He asked God to tell me what I should be doing in life. I remember at that time thinking, "I have it all figured out. I don't know why you are praying about that. I am suppose to be doing film, and I am suppose to be at Towson." Then God told me in His own way, meaning not through words but in the way God speaks to you, that I was wrong. I did not know what I was suppose to be doing. I was not suppose to be at Towson. I was terrified and confused. I remember after everyone was done praying for me I had streams of tears running down my face, so I walked over to the wall, leaned against it, and slowly allowed my body to fall until I was sitting with my knees close to my chest. A girl named Mercedes came over to talk/pray for me. I broke down. I asked God what He wanted me to do, but God only reveals His plan in pieces, not all at once. I broke down about other things as well. About sins I had committed. I remember specifically apologizing to God for scars on my body that I had created. I was torn apart, and did not know what to do. Most of all I had no idea where I was suppose to go. 

When we came back from the retreat I spent the whole Sunday at church. Everyone at church had left and gone home, and I was still there. I did not know what to do. I was lost. I did not know what I was doing at church, but I knew that I did not want to leave. I was searching for answers to questions I did not even know. Later that week I talked to my Pastor's wife Jacqueline and told her that I had decided that I wanted to transfer to a Christian college. In my mind however I was thinking. I'll take a semester off and learn more about myself, God, and where I am suppose to be then I will apply to colleges again. However, Jacqueline had other plans! She got on it immediately. She had me talk to a few other people who had attended other Christian colleges, and talked to me about Lee. I will still dead set that I was not going to Lee. However, I think I knew in my heart that, that was where I was suppose to go. I listened to others talk to me about other colleges, but I was never interested. Finally, I decided to give Lee a chance, and realized that is where I am suppose to be. 

Then came the hard part, telling my family. Most of my family graduated from Towson, so the fact that I was also going there was a big deal for them. I still think it's a little hard for them to take that I am not going to graduate from there. I do want to say however, that it is a great school, and to anyone thinking of going I would highly recommend it. Also, I did not know how to tell my unChristian family about how I was deciding to leave school and go to another school because I feel that God has told me to. There really is no way to explain that. Luckily, though my family may not understand they are supportive. 

Anyway, moving to Lee is a weird thing for me. I am really excited! I am excited to do things for God and with God. I am excited to be here. I am excited for it all, but I am extremely nervous. I do not want to leave those that I love. My family, my Portside family. I am really going to miss you guys. I am down at Lee University right now for Lee Day, and I cannot help but think of Portside. We drove around Lee University and all ready memories of being there with the youth are coming back. It is hard to think that I am here without them, and I am only here for a few days. It is really weird because I am all for the adventure of life. For moving from place to place, experiencing all the people that God allows you to have in your life. It has always been hard for me to miss people that have not permanently left this earth because how I saw it was God gives you people, sometimes forever, sometimes for now, and though one person may have left another one will come. Do not get me wrong however, this was something that took a long, long time of many people leaving me to figure out. Once upon a time, I did not believe in this at all. However, I have never had a group of people impact so much in the way that Portside did. Whether they know it or not each and every member of Portside means the world to me! If any of you guys are reading this I want you to know that I am really going to miss you. I want to thank you for all that you have done for me. For saving my life. For being my friend. For showing me that someone cares. Thank you for everything. I hate leaving you guys because I promised myself that I would never be the one to leave. People may leave me, but I will NEVER be the one to leave someone, and that it what I feel I am doing. It is tearing me apart. I want you guys to know, every single one of you, I love you, and I am going to miss you like you cannot believe. Please feel free to text me, message me on Facebook, or write me letters. I will always write and respond back! I love you guys, and I hope that in some way you will always be a part of my life!

So not to be abrupt, but that is the story of why I am going to Lee. I cannot wait til I am there, and I can officially start this. Thank you for reading!

Like what you read? Check out my other blog "You're Killing Me Smalls" !